A filthy floor, many pets, and ADHD aren’t my only qualifications (but they sure help).
My house is probably dirtier than yours
A large portion of my small home is graced with pitted white tile. At the end of that white tile lies a giant doggie door, through which my Doberman runs at top speed all day, tracking in dirt, mud, mulch and occasionally, chicken shit.
At the other end lies my tiny kitchen, where, despite all my efforts, the floor is always covered in 10% of my prolific cooking efforts. The rest of the house is a mix of wood, carpet and low pile rugs. Something about the design of my home, which is a little like a railroad apartment, causes the long hallway to be a place dirt, dog hair and other detritus congregates. Occasionally the back door doesn’t shut all the way and the chickens make it surprisingly far into the home with the dog doing something about it.
At the beginning of the pandemic, I couldn’t look at my floors anymore, and as a fan of smart home automation, thought a robot vacuum could be the solution. I picked up a Roomba i7 and a matching Braava robot mop.
Robots became my professional gig
Within a few years, I was testing robot vacuums professionally for Lifehacker, alongside my reporting on smart home technology like cameras, lights, switches and other robots. This was a huge shift from my previous life, where I was a technology strategist. I’m particularly good at diagnosing problems, figuring out solutions, creating processes to move forward, and training people on those processes. In particular, I liked to integrate people and technology automation in ways that helped, not replaced human efforts. I often acted as a product manager for services or products. It turned out, these skills make me an ideal tester of these particular products.
I’ll admit, that at first, I didn’t expect there to be a big difference between the models I tested. If you paid enough, I figured, the robot should work. It was shocking to me how often this was not the case- expensive robots were riddled with software issues, hardware problems or had low usability.
Something that happened often in the comments of my articles was people (often men) arguing that my opinion conflicted with Vacuum Wars or some other YouTube reviewer. This didn’t concern me much, because people have different opinions, but over time I became curious about why these opinions were sometimes (not all the time) so different.
Real world testing is better
Theoretically, when comparing two items, you should strive for apples to apples conditions. For that reason, I understand the notion of putting together obstacle courses for robots, where the course is always the same. It makes sense when I see the results of those tests, and that form of testing is absolutely valid.
However, I often found those results didn’t translate to working in a real home. In a real home, you have lots of floor bound furniture and appliances, like standing fans and air purifiers and dog crates and planters and … you get the picture. In a real world, rooms are not a perfect square with no wall obstacles, such as a door that brings in dirt from the outside each time it opens, or a coffee table that moves a bit every day or two as people push it around. In a real world, there are toe kicks and space under the fridge and oven where dirt goes. Real world homes have a lot of tiny spaces, like the slot between the fridge and wall, or under a sidetable where you tend to leave your shoes. Low hanging plants. There are cords. There are thresholds. And the kinds of stains and dirt and obstacles are complicated. Those are the conditions I test in. Simply, I have three zones in my home, and at any time, I have three robot vacuums set up, and then I rotate them. I test on old carpet, wood floor and tile.
How I report my findings
What has become clear to me is that all the testing, information, data and stats that myself and peers report on robot vacuums doesn’t help people arrive at a buying decision. People do a lot of research before buying a robot vacuum, but they are easily overwhelmed, and I don’t blame them.
I was shocked to learn from brand managers, who I talk to a few times a year, that the major factor in buying decisions is suction power. That’s crazy, because it doesn’t matter much in how well a vacuum functions.
So, I focus first on how well a vacuum actually performs. Like, does it work, and does it work on micro, medium and macro debris. How does it work on surface spills, built up stains, and grime? How easy is the app to use? What convenience functions are available? What does the tower look like, could you live with it in your living room? And is it worth the money?
Also, I’ll talk about WHO it’s for. This is critical becuase there is no “best vacuum”, merely the vacuum that is best for you. Your home, your cleaning, your habits, your needs.
I’m just a nerdy, mid-aged lady with ADHD who hates cleaning, but has been cleaning my home for forty+ years. These tools are spectacular if you get the right one.